Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Do your dreams speak to you???....

I'm sure everyone or most folks have bad dreams....I don't mean nightmares, I mean "bad dreams". There's only ever been a handful of dreams that I can say actually woke me up crying & so distraught that I have to make phone calls. I had one of those dreams last night and of course I woke me up in tears but I couldn't call my Mom because she was at work....
Any of my friends that know my mom know that she's a pretty upbeat person. My mom's a Tomboy & she's not one of those "I love you"-type moms. She says it but it's never been one of those everyday things where we say it whenever we part or hang up on the phone. She stays to herself A LOT & she has a very nonchalant personality. She could be facing lethal punishment & you wouldn't know it because she acts like she hasn't a care in the world. Not that she doesn't care, she just holds stress VERY well. Me on the other hand, I'm a worrier, I stress & I shut down if i feel like the world is against

From time to time I have shooting pains up & down my legs. The pain can be so bad that I have trouble walking, my feet swell and the touch of even a feather to my leg is like being electrocuted. I've been told by friends & family & even my doctor that I need to go to the ER when I get these pains so they can run tests.

I had dreamed my mom had found out she had some type of arthritis or condition in her legs that was causing her to have issues walking. The first portion of the dream started where she was finding out & she didn't really give it any extra thought, but she was telling me that I should get checked in the dream since my pain was similar. Then it cut away to like a month later. She had asked me to meet her at the mall to do some shopping. I was there with a couple friends of mine waiting on her to show up & here comes my mom in a WHEELCHAIR!!!. I was in complete shock, just watching her trying to get around. She didn't have a fancy "scooter store" wheelchair, she had a plain, uncomfortable wheelchair & you could tell she hasn't adjusted to it all the way. She comes in & talks to me & my friends like normal, like she's had this condition for years. Then she says she's gonna run in a particular store & she would be right back. No sooner than her being far enough that she couldn't hear me I turn away from the store & lost it Started crying like CRAZY!
I'm telling my friends that I can't believe what I'm seeing & I don't understand what happened & I'm trying to figure out why she didn't tell me it was this bad. We didn't even realize my Mom had came out & was standing behind us but she had heard everything. She says in her normal chipper voice "Y'all ready to shop?". We're all drying our eyes like & say "yeah", trying to play off our emotional breakdown and start walking. My friends are walking ahead of me & my Mom so we can talk but I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled her off to the side & just threw my hands around her & start crying telling her I love her & asking her why she didn't say anything. I could see her lips moving but I started realizing I was really crying & my body started waking up.

I sat up & thought to myself for like 30mins. I didn't know if this was a message that I need to go see a doctor; or I need to build a closer bond to my mom or any family for that matter. Am I suppressing stress or guilt? I started thinking even further-If this was happening to me, would my husband or friends & family be supportive & stand by me? I guess God is working with my mind-trying to build a stronger me but I can't help but to wonder....

Any thoughts anyone???

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