Thursday, December 18, 2008

Everyone Can’t Be In Your Front Row

This was an email I got from my boy D back in September. He knows I was starting my "house cleaning project around that time & this email represents the reason for my cause & helps me stay focused when I'm conflicted. I know others can relate so enjoy:

Life is a theater – invite your audience carefully.
Not everyone is spiritually healthy and mature enough to have a front row seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.

It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you LET GO, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships/friendships/fellowships.

Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention to:
-Which ones encourage & which ones discourage?
-Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?
-When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse?
-Which ones always have DRAMA or don’t really understand, know, and appreciate you and the gift that lies within you?

When you seek growth, peace of mind, love, and truth, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the FRONT ROW and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.
You cannot change the people around you.., but you can change the people YOU ARE AROUND!!! Ask the Lord for Godly wisdom and discernment; and choose wisely the people who sit in the front row of your life. Just because no one has shown up on your level doesn’t mean you have to sink to theirs!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Do your dreams speak to you???....

I'm sure everyone or most folks have bad dreams....I don't mean nightmares, I mean "bad dreams". There's only ever been a handful of dreams that I can say actually woke me up crying & so distraught that I have to make phone calls. I had one of those dreams last night and of course I woke me up in tears but I couldn't call my Mom because she was at work....
Any of my friends that know my mom know that she's a pretty upbeat person. My mom's a Tomboy & she's not one of those "I love you"-type moms. She says it but it's never been one of those everyday things where we say it whenever we part or hang up on the phone. She stays to herself A LOT & she has a very nonchalant personality. She could be facing lethal punishment & you wouldn't know it because she acts like she hasn't a care in the world. Not that she doesn't care, she just holds stress VERY well. Me on the other hand, I'm a worrier, I stress & I shut down if i feel like the world is against

From time to time I have shooting pains up & down my legs. The pain can be so bad that I have trouble walking, my feet swell and the touch of even a feather to my leg is like being electrocuted. I've been told by friends & family & even my doctor that I need to go to the ER when I get these pains so they can run tests.

I had dreamed my mom had found out she had some type of arthritis or condition in her legs that was causing her to have issues walking. The first portion of the dream started where she was finding out & she didn't really give it any extra thought, but she was telling me that I should get checked in the dream since my pain was similar. Then it cut away to like a month later. She had asked me to meet her at the mall to do some shopping. I was there with a couple friends of mine waiting on her to show up & here comes my mom in a WHEELCHAIR!!!. I was in complete shock, just watching her trying to get around. She didn't have a fancy "scooter store" wheelchair, she had a plain, uncomfortable wheelchair & you could tell she hasn't adjusted to it all the way. She comes in & talks to me & my friends like normal, like she's had this condition for years. Then she says she's gonna run in a particular store & she would be right back. No sooner than her being far enough that she couldn't hear me I turn away from the store & lost it Started crying like CRAZY!
I'm telling my friends that I can't believe what I'm seeing & I don't understand what happened & I'm trying to figure out why she didn't tell me it was this bad. We didn't even realize my Mom had came out & was standing behind us but she had heard everything. She says in her normal chipper voice "Y'all ready to shop?". We're all drying our eyes like & say "yeah", trying to play off our emotional breakdown and start walking. My friends are walking ahead of me & my Mom so we can talk but I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled her off to the side & just threw my hands around her & start crying telling her I love her & asking her why she didn't say anything. I could see her lips moving but I started realizing I was really crying & my body started waking up.

I sat up & thought to myself for like 30mins. I didn't know if this was a message that I need to go see a doctor; or I need to build a closer bond to my mom or any family for that matter. Am I suppressing stress or guilt? I started thinking even further-If this was happening to me, would my husband or friends & family be supportive & stand by me? I guess God is working with my mind-trying to build a stronger me but I can't help but to wonder....

Any thoughts anyone???

Friday, December 12, 2008

Caylee Anthony's remains were "possibly" "found"

So they found the remains of what they "believe" to be Caylee Anthony. I KNOW that's her body. Now who dumped that body? She was 2 close 2 home to have just been "found" after alll the searching that went on....!!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Comfort Zones- Part 2

here's the other part... Let me know your thoughts...

Relationships – “You think you can stop for a nap just because you’re in first place?” - You’ve won their heart but the battle isn’t over….
When it comes to relationships, it is important not to become too comfortable, but it’s so easy to forget. Once we get have who we want we’ve got to work to keep them. We must be careful not to get comfortable once we become official. The things you used to do before you date need to continue & then some, and for a couple reasons:

1) It keeps both parties happy - Even when there are other struggles (financial, medical, etc) in the relationship we can better support one another in bad times when the relationship is in good standing.

2) It keeps the spark that we need to survive long-term commitments - It’s motivation for the relationship. We are naturally creatures of excitement & now-a-days people get bored easy. It’s like when you’ve been going to a club that “jumps off” every weekend & then after the 1st year the club starts losing its crowd because of bad promotion or reputation, advertising issues, or lack of appealing events. This is the same with a relationship. It doesn’t need to “jump off” everyday, but every now & then, catch your partner off guard, doing even the little things like packing their lunch, leaving a note on the care, or leaving a rose/ favorite sports magazine. We got to do something that provides assurance the relationship can stand strong.

3) Keep a foundation of trust - Your conscience can be a bitch. If one person or both get comfortable you begin to overlook things, or lose focus & it can set up bad business –
“Insecurity clicks on a light in your head, Jealousy takes out a loan in your name, and Temptation sets up shop in your loins. Thought you could hike up costs in Infidelity but you didn’t know that your investor was disguised & would catch you red handed. Now your business displays Embarrassment, Guilt, Shame, or just plain Loss.”
Do you want to risk the loss?

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Comfort Zones - Part I

Comfort Zones

Have any of you been here before…?
I talked with a friend a couple days ago about “comfort zones” with a couple different scenarios.

“Friends with benefits”- Good for now…but what about later?
We talked about the comfort that we set up having “friends with benefits”. He said in the beginning, everything is GREAT. You work for them and they work for you. You (or your partner) thinks after a while things will progress & you both can come to an agreement to actually make things official. What happens when the conversation comes up? Maybe the opposite person expresses that they don’t want to change that status for a number or reasons but they assure you that there’s no need to worry. Ya’ll continue on as normal but a couple months later or even a couple years later & things go haywire, and I mean so bad that you lose the benefits AND the friend. Now you’re no longer sure of them and you’re unsure of yourself. We discussed why we set ourselves up for this…

People go in with clear intentions, but develop unclear intentions: The two of you may have started out knowing this was all it was supposed to be. The problem with that is sex brings people together with a tremendous connection that we think we can control or suppress but peoples’ emotions end up getting the best of them.

People go along with false hopes: One partner goes in thinking “they don’t want to date me now, but I can change that.” BAD IDEA: It could work, but 9 times out of 10 it doesn’t.

People continue because of false promises: One partner expresses the desire to be something more; the other one does not & won’t tell them that. They’ll just drop little “bread-crumb promises” just to keep them tagging along. They put up fronts, act jealous or even indulge in other things to make their partner think that they are potentially special. Let’s face it-everybody has “potential” but everyone doesn’t make it.

People deliberately get you where they want you, “comfortable”, so that they can do as they choose: This is usually a manipulator that’s out for a bigger cause (ie: money, popularity, power)

Let me know what you think. Anything to add? Any Disagreements?
Look out for Part II - the next scenario of Comfort Zones


Sorry - This isn't for kids- Mature audience only!


Oohh Daddy!!!
Damn, look what you do to me...
Your stroke has got me possessed
Shaking from my head all the way to my feet!

I was intrigued by your mind
Then seduced by your swag
So caught up in that large shaft
Got me wantin to marry yo ass!

Clean up on aisle '69'
You're soaked in my love
Face shining like heaven
Looking down from above

Fingers thrusting in my asshole
As your tongue stays down south
I'm gasping for air as your love juice
Flows back out of my mouth

Swallowing all of your dick
Flicking my tongue like a pro
If you thought about leaving me
You sure ain't thinkin that no mo’!

As I'm screaming your name
As you're grabbing my frame
Fucking with me ain’t a game
Putting porn stars to shame
Rode that dick till you came…
We'll never be the same
As we lay in the waves
Of the ocean as it tames
Back to where it set aflame....

We seal the end with a kiss...
I love you..
{WHOO…} What a night!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Love Shouldn't Leave Bruises

I wrote this 2 yrs ago for a friend of a friend:

Love shouldn’t leave bruises

Love may be blind but you can’t even see thru your eyes,
Because they’re both swollen shut from trying to speak your mind.
You’re losing weight because you’re scared to even eat.
He’s pushed away all your friends.
To him we’re just a bunch of nosy, scandalous hoes, bitches & freaks.
Getting jumped by his other baby mamas?
You’re supposed to be his wife!
All while he sits back and condones and that shit just isn’t right!
You say “Y’all don’t understand our love; he’s nothing like y’all talk about!”
Because your family wants to help and you just shut them out.

Baby girl PLEASE, don’t take back that man!
Love shouldn’t leave bruises, get away while you can!

There’s some statements I’m gonna make and you might not find it nice.
You have a history of thugs running in & out your life.
You use your body to love, to talk, and mesmerize.
Should’ve spent more time w/ their minds.
Then you might have noticed the signs.
Now you’re another man’s punching bag, and it almost ain’t a suprise.
Again, you have to go out in public covered in a disguise.
When are you gonna wake up and see that man don’t love with his heart.
Or are you gonna wake up at all when this man can’t see y’all apart.
And it ain’t an open casket funeral because you’re just body parts!
Will your child grow up without you because daddy’s obsession went too far?
Or will they be doomed the same fate instead of growing up to be a star?

Baby girl PLEASE, don’t take back that man!
Love shouldn’t leave bruises, get away while you can!

Just Maybe....

I've been up since 7am. Had a lil trouble going back to sleep so I decided I'd clean out my email inbox because it's RIDICULOUS!! It's amazing what you'll find when you clean out your email. I had like 1500+ emails & about 500 was Anyways, I decided to open one of unread & I liked it so I thought I would share...

Just Maybe

Just maybe... we were supposed to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that, when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Just maybe... when the door of happiness closes, another opens; but often times, we look so long at the closed door that we do not even see the new one which has been opened for us.

Just maybe... it is true that we do not know what we have until we lose it, but it is also true that we do not know what we have been missing until it arrives.

Just maybe... the happiest of people do not necessarily have the bestof everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Just maybe... the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; after all, you cannot go on successfully in life until you let go of your past mistakes, failures and heartaches.

Just maybe... you should dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of, and want to do.

Just maybe... there are moments in life when you miss someone -- apparent, a spouse, a friend, a child -- so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real, so that once they are around you appreciate them more.

Just maybe... the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you have ever had.

Just maybe... you should always try to put yourself in others' shoes.If you feel that something could hurt you, it probably will hurt the other person, too.

Just maybe... you should do something nice for someone every single day, even if it is simply to leave them alone.Just maybe... giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Do not expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but, if it does not, be content that it grew in yours.

Just maybe... happiness waits for all those who cry, all those who hurt, all those who have searched, and all those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of all the people who have touched their lives.

Just maybe... you should not go for looks; they can deceive; do not gofor wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile,because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

Just maybe... you should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet,enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy.

And just maybe... you should try to live your life to the fullest because when you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling but when you die, you can be the one who is smiling and everyone around you crying.

Maybe you could send this message to those people who mean something to you, to those who have touched your life, to those who can and do make you smile when you really need it, to those who make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down, and to all those whom you want to know that you appreciate them and their friendship. And if you do not, do not worry; nothing bad will happen to you. You will just miss out on the opportunity to perhaps brighten someone else's day...

Wednesday, December 3, 2008


Friends, relatives, mere acquaintances:

I've finally joined the blogger community & I'm excited! You might be wondering "Why- I mean, this is just a blog! Who really cares what you have to say"
I'm a thinker.. constantly THINKING, THINKING, THINKING- about my life & my purpose, my family, my friends, my enemies, this economy, this WORLD AS A WHOLE! The devil is busier than ever right now but I'm trying my best to stay on my "A" game & strengthen my relationship with God so I can be who he's called me to be. With saying that this goes into my first blog: I wrote this note to myself when I was about..oh..20-21 years old. I just found this last night & didn't realize the power in it! Let me share....

Sometimes I wonder why life is the way that it is. People in my life have made me realize the truth is a necessity in MY LIFE to be right. People are fake & hateful, greedy & spiteful, envious & ungrateful, liars & just EVIL! But I view all this as many of life's obstacles & tests to overcome. The closer I remain to the Lord, the better I'll be.
Often, I fail to realize that others wont treat me like I treat me like I treat them. They also fail to realize that I am a good person & will try my best to keep my word so that they know I refuse to fail- to fail in life, and to fail in THEM. I'm not a gullible person, I'm a kind-hearted person that believes in second chances (sometimes I like to please others. Pleasing others, pleases me because I know that I have made a statement to them that I am reliable & worthy. Unfortunately, there will be those who are blind to my personality and character. They will betray me and take advantage of me. I also know one day they'll realize they have made a mistake.

My question is: Will THEY know when the time has come for them to right their wrongdoings - whether it was a wrongdoing against me or anyone else? Some will do the right thing, others will stay closed in with pride, shame or guilt.

I dislike drama, I use the word "Dislike" because I learned in church that I shouldn't hate. "Love God, Hate Evil" Drama is EVERYWHERE!! In gossip, to friendships, to families, to relationships. Confrontations are everywhere I turn. I've had my share of drama, but as the years have gone by I've learned that the best thing for ME to do is remove my status from it. Even if it is mine, I remove myself from the situation and let it become a burden for the Lord to handle. God can get rid of my pain and sorrows and is willing to do the same for everyone else but most fail to take him up on the offer. Well I won't because I believe in him and know He'll make everything better.

As I sit and wonder why life is the way it is I just remember that I'm not alone in this world of chaos nor am I alone where I sit at this very moment, where I write some of my deepest thoughts.